"Take me to the place I've been dreaming of"

It seemed time for an update.
I’m trying to stay tremendously busy. I can deal with my head a bit better when I don’t have time for it to get control of me. School started, and since I now have to take 3 classes on top of a full time work week that seems to be helping keep my busy. But enough about that. I’m confused as always. Some recent conversations had proven to me that I really am ok where I am and things aren’t really bad. But I wonder where nights of complete solitude are so enjoyable if that’s the case. I’ve done nothing but homework while listening to my soul mate the Mozzer, and now I’m having a beer and watching The Bride of Frankenstein, and I honestly don’t remember the last time I was this happy and peaceful. I really don’t want the night to end. And as I type this the end of my night walks through the door.

Keeping the flock in line

So upon my daily search through you tube I came across Fox news' speculative question about Barack Obama's "fist bump" with his wife. Fox's anchor posed the question "A fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab? The gesture everyone seems to interpret differently. We’ll show you some interesting body communication and find out what it really says."

Seriously? This is how low they go. NO ONE IN THERE RIGHT MIND SAW THAT AND THOUGHT TERRORISM! I find it odd that most Americans will continue to lap up everything they are fed when someone uses the T word. With all the proven manipulation and mind control that the government has exercised along side the use of the forbidden word people still fail to understand the propagandist use of it. How can they not see how they are being controlled! How can people not see that terminology was the key factor in passing the Patriot act which took away every right set forth for us in the Bill of Rights? How can people continue to fall for the same tactics? It seems implausible yet it's what the government and the media outlets thrive on.

That's all for now.

Alcoholism, fate, and the tragedy of being caged

Retirement is not sitting well with my father. He has nothing to do that interrupts drinking. It's hard enough to maintain any sense of closeness due to his obsession with trying to force me to join forces with his insane conservative views by mockery and condescension. But you add alcohol into the mix and he gets angry, personally attacking, and frightening. I've emailed him on said matter, since he likes to argue with my politics via email as well, but seeing as how no one in my family ever talks about anything concerning feelings or dealing with conflict, he'll more than likely just ridicule me for the gesture.
To add to the other issues I currently have with him my sister and her ex are both currently incarcerated. Now, I could care less about that since neither one does anything beneficial for themselves nor anyone else, but my problem is that now there is no one with legal custody of my niece. My parents and her other grandmother are still caring for her as they had been but the if factor is unnerving and because it would cost money my dad will not step up and visit a lawyer to see what can be done. So they sit and do nothing and hope that the day doesn't some when CPS comes knocking on the door. I wish I could do something but unlike my parents I don't have the money at all. I have 300$ to my name currently and usually it isn't much more.
And as usual overall but more usual the last six months or so, I am backed into a corner. Things with "us" don't work. They stopped working the night of the show and they haven't come back. Maybe it's both our faults. Maybe it's one of our faults. Maybe it's no ones fault. But the fact remains that detachment pulls me further and further into myself. Communication accomplishes nothing. It's all been debated, explained, and "solved" a hundred times and yet the gap grows. I've been here, so I recognize it. Others are not so inclined.

"To say the least I'm truly disapointed" -Morrissey
As usual.

Insanity

I know my last post was about Michael Savage. But I honestly cannot stop myself from finding out what it is he is feeding to his huge audience on a daily basis. The man is so far beyond crazy it's incredible. He is also the most hateful person I have ever encountered. I think of myself as being a relatively angry person but man does he have me beat. And the more I listen to him the more convinced I am that the man is nothing but a man with gay tendencies who cannot deal with himself so he lashes out and attacks that which he himself is in order to keep it at bay. I mean what other reason could he possibly have for hating a group of people so much. I'd say on average he blames 7/10 completely unrelated things on gay people and the tirades are absolutly incredible to listen to. His line of reasoning from the initial issue all the way down to how it is gay people's fault is absurd. Ehhh and yet again this is why I find it hard to speak to and have a relationship with my father, since he happens to be one of Savage's biggest fans.

And these people influence others...

Occasionally I force myself to listen to the Michael Savage radio show on the ride home from work in order to fulfill some masochistic desire. Yesterday was one of these afternoons. I often joke about the fact that Savage will start spouting off his illogical rhetoric and somehow always end up blaming homosexual people. And while I do so jokingly, sadly I'd say that it is acually the case in at least 6 of 10 tirades he goes on.
Yesterday was no different, as he bagan whining about the decline of marriage in the United States. I knew he would blame states like Vermont, which allow gay marriage, for part of it. That's obvious enough if you've ever heard this idiot speak. But, as usual, he topped himself off by adding that gay people are to blame for the lack of morals and monogamy in heterosexual couples period. He blamed the influx of unwed couples living together,promiscuity, the rise in STD's and a party lifestyle that has taken over America on the people's willingness to embrace homosexual lifestyles. His logic being that these actions are all parts of the homosexual lifestyle alone and have been forced upon heterosexual individuals. Thus, according to Savage America is far too accepting of homosexuals (which is so obvious everytime someone says "That's so gay" to imply that something is stupid) and because of this people are forced to have unprotected sex at every chance they get. Makes sense? It must, someone must agree with this maniac. He is after all one of the most popular personalities on the radio. I can't wait when his "gay sex scandal" finally breaks. I think we all know it's coming.
On another subject Dr. Laura Schlessinger was on the today show to give her two cents on the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal. I honestly don't even know why people act surprised about these "scandals" anymore, anyhow here is what this brilliant Dr. and right wing radio host had to offer about the situation:

VIEIRA: Do you think women play any role in this, Dr. Laura?

SCHLESSINGER: It's interesting. what you said about what men need -- men do need validation. When they come into the world they're born of a woman. Getting the validation from mommy is the beginning of needing it from a woman. When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like our hero, he's very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs. These days, women don't spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give their men what they need.

VIEIRA: Are you saying women should feel guilty, like they somehow drove the man to cheat?

SCHLESSINGER: You know what, the cheating was his decision to repair what's damaged, and to feed himself where he's starving. But, yes, I hold women accountable for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.
(reposted from HuffingtonPost.com)

*Sigh* Talk radio and it's personalities are killing America.

Introductions...

Where do I begin? Perhaps introductions are in order. I’ll go with…Black Eyed Susan for the moment. Aptly named for the character penned by the iconic Morrissey, to whom I owe my ability to reach this ripe old age of 24. Sad it may seem but true. Had it not been for his reassurance that someone else in this endless void understood I doubt I would have found a way out of the awful social experience known as our “teen” years. I still shudder at the thought and a vague dull pain seats itself somewhere in my bowls at the mere memory.
My father and I have a strained relationship at best though I could not possibly love him anymore his obsession with his insane Conservative Republican beliefs creates a distance between us that we can rarely navigate. Most often we are unable to utter a word to one another without the apocalypse descending upon his living room. He is infatuated with the ramblings of self appointed talk radio martyr Michael Savage, and I think that says enough. The only person I’ve ever heard who I found more insane is Fred Phelps and when only Fred Phelps is more insane than you are I think it’s time to
Reevaluate yourself.
But I suppose I digress. My point is, if I had one to begin with, that due to my fathers constant narrative of absurdities I was forced by my inability to agree with him on any political concept to learn what exactly was going on in the American government in order to form my own concept of what exactly I agreed with or disagreed with and more importantly why. As an end to my tangent rich tirade for the day suffice it to say the following:
I am not a Republican
I am not a Democrat
The Bipartisan system is hurting the American People
The American people need to stop watching American Idol for three seconds and pay attention to things that will actually effect their lives.
Religion is a terrible plight on society.